QotD: It's Too Late to Apologize

Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?

"I'm sorry" never fixes it; "I'm sorry" is a weasel's attempt to get out of responsibility by placing guilt on the one who was injured.

What does fix a transgression? Take a lesson from the Catholics - add works to atone for the sin [1], not just words. And go forth and sin no more.

So when you've done something horrible to someone, don't say "I'm sorry". Apologize by fixing the window that you broke, or telling folks that you were the one in the wrong, or by doing something else that corrects the mistake that you made. And then you can say "I'm sorry" and the person will know that you mean it.

Until then, "I'm sorry" is like the garden that Ben Franklin  described.

John

[1] That's what these are - social sins. And "I'm sorry" is an attempt to magically use patter to atone.

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Queen of Fractal Beauty
You're right that simply saying "I'm sorry" is meaningless by itself, but it sure is a nice phrase to hear when you know it's sincere (as is "I love you").
Sheri
[this is good]
"I'm sorry" isn't completely useless, but it is only a first step. There is an element of genuine repentance, an attempt to make up the wrong to the person harmed, and a demonstration of some sincere attempt to make sure it won't happen again. Basically, teshuvah.
mad-tante
[this is good]
I've lived a life where a lot of people "should" apologize to me (and they don't own their guilt because it's criminal and who can deal with that kind of guilt?) but here's what I think about apologies:

They're said to make the guilty party feel better.

I'd like apologies but I'd rather see changed behaviors. I'd rather know the person learned from the damage they did. If you're not going to own it and if you think that simply owning it and stating "I'm sorry" is enough, go away.
John
[this is good]

They're said to make the guilty party feel better.

No fair summing up my post in one sentence! (And doing it better than I did!)

John
Queen of Fractal Beauty

They're said to make the guilty party feel better.

But that only works if you actually accept the apology. Ignoring it only makes them feel worse. Is that the result you want?
John

But that only works if you actually accept the apology. Ignoring it only makes them feel worse. Is that the result you want?

Ah, but then they try to use guilt on you for not accepting their apology, and thereby make you the bad guy. As the penultimate expression of this, I offer this tale of
Queen of Fractal Beauty

As the penultimate expression of this, I offer this tale of

Of what?

but then they try to use guilt on you for not accepting their apology, and thereby make you the bad guy.
Who is this "they" you speak of? If I've done wrong I admit my error and try to correct it if possible. I also try not to repeat it. My wanting acknowledgement of the effort doesn't strike me as being too far out of line. I believe it's sometimes referred to as forgiveness.
John

As the penultimate expression of this, I offer this tale of

Of what?

Sorry - Vox chopped the note and I didn't notice. Here is the complete sentence:

As the penultimate expression of this, I offer this tale of cookies and neighbors. Note that the girls apologized, but never took any constructive action. Instead, they just kept repeating that the neighbor was mean for not accepting their apology - and eventually convinced most folks that the neighbor was the guilty party!

Who is this "they" you speak of? If I've done wrong I admit my error and try to correct it if possible. I also try not to repeat it.
Which is why you are not a faceless "they", but an individual. Unfortunately, you are an exception, not a rule.

My wanting acknowledgement of the effort doesn't strike me as being too far out of line. I believe it's sometimes referred to as forgiveness.
Depends on if the effort is something that the wronged party needs and wants. Offering amends to me by bringing over a mess of boiled shrimp [1] doesn't go very far. Offering amends by making a donation to my favorite charity does.

John

[1] Food allergies, for those who don't know. Shellfish is deadly to me, and even the smell makes me nauseous.

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